It's one franchise QB, how much could it cost? $10?


Sports spending has reached levels that make Joe Burrow’s contract record look like a bargain. It would be funny if the $275 million contract signed by the Cincinnati Bengal quarterback wasn’t so real. The English Premier League spent $2.97 billion during the latest transfer window. Tiger Woods was reportedly offered $700-800 million by LIV golf. Kylian Mbappe could have been a billionaire had he chosen to join the Saudi Pro League. Eli’s worst moment during his rookie season

. Jaylen Brown, a Boston Celtics player who can’t dribble using his left hand but signed the richest contract in NBA history ($303 million), during the offseason. The salary cap will soon increase, so he’ll be able to hold the title for a while.

Shohei Ahtani is preparing for his free agent by buying a vault that has a diving board. There are rumors stating that the bid starts at $500,000,000 and I don’t care if it is a billion. It’s not real how much money is thrown around by the richest sects in society. It’s not true. It’s Candyland. Elon Musk owns large tracts of Gumdrop Mountain, Jeff Bezos has his piece of Molasses Swamp and Mark Zuckerberg is the only one who can sell peppermint. Burrow is going to spend $275 million on what? What is Burrow going to do with $275 million? The world desperately needs this, just as it does another billionaire. Did

Succession teach us nothing? The rich little nepo babies will control the wealth and power of the world — including sports teams — for all time. Am I supposed to applaud when someone receives a “bag” due to generational wealth and privilege? Only if an athlete is rich for the very first time and has graduated into a class that, I presume, owns nice yachts in Lake Michigan am I happy to see them get paid. Ryan Reynold, the character from

Two Guy, a girl, and a pizza place

owns a soccer club in England and is worth over $350 million. I’d reenact all the scenes from this show and smile while doing it for $30,000. Deadpool could spit into my nostril for $250 right now if that is his kink. Even when investing appears risky, Lionel Messi arrives in America and Apple’s MLS subscribers skyrocket, as if this was the plan. Who is the one person who will never fall backwards when faced with piles of money? Everyman. (I use the term everyman to refer to both men and women because it is funny. I do know that every woman has it worse. The everyman works 48 to 50 week a year and gets a meager salary, a heavy workload and a quick kick in the teeth. It’s probably best that we can’t place any amount higher than $1,000,000 in context because it would ruin sport.

I’m not going to tell you how many midsized sedans Joe Burrow can buy with his new salary. You’d be better off watching Joe Burrow tossing the pigskin with a dopey smile on his face and worrying about the rapid erosion in humanity, rather than watching him throw the pigskin. US Men’s Open final setYou Know What? You won’t get a recap. I haven’t finished. Jake Paul attending an event is like your

parents joining Facebook: A sign that it’s time to delete your account. Jake Paul’s attendance at an event is the same as your parent joining Facebook. It’s time to delete that account. Go read a good book and discover a part of yourself that does not need to be validated.